Hey all,

Still going strong! But I havn't been able to exercise very much as it is dam cold here atm but I have been doing some inside workouts, while not as affective it still dose what it needs to do I spose. *sigh*

Yesterday,

One Salad 500 cals
One cheeseburger (Gosh darn it, I got caught out at macca's again with family)

Having trouble breaking the 90K mark for some reason and it is driving me insane, I think it is stress but I would have thought that stress would help me lose weight not fucken stablized it lol. Such is my luck I spose.

Reconnected with my little friend but I am serious when I say I dont know why lol. We is nothing like me, I am a crazy person with little regaurd for rules and doing the 'right thing' he may have seemed the same but he isn't he dosnt' have that 'let go and roll the dice' qualitiy that drives my world.

But still he drives me insane, both emotionally and physically and will no doubt be death of me, mark my words on that, I feel serious heart break for me down the line but still I solider on **God give me strength to survive this**

I think I know what the problem is, I keep my emotions at bay with sex, it creates a barrier that no guy can cross, if you take that away and just leave the spending time together I have no defence and he is able to squirrel in deeper and deeper until I crack which is exactly what happend that last night we spent together. I could almost hear the ice around my hart crack.

But what is a girl to do?

Face life without fear

Hey all what a shitty Ana day.

I in my absolute stupidity, decided to cook a meal for a guy, I mean wtf am I thinking he is not even interested, but still I do this stupid shit and eat. God I hate my world, I pray for him to come back but what is the fucking point, it is not like I dont have many others sniffing around but why him? He is skinny, lanky unco and an arse but still I do this stupid shit. I FUCKEN ATE A FULLL MEAL FOR AN IDIOT and I should be shot.

What I need to do is go and find the first bloke I can find and smack him around for a bit and leave this halfwit for some other foolish female. But like most of us .....I wont lol I am so damable weak and I hate it. I just want to feel that heat again, the passion and connection we had but now denies us and it is dumb immature and selfish. He allows us to fall in love and then runs like a scared rabbit to leave me to pic up the the pieces idiot men.

Of course I am just venting, I know if it is supposed to work out it will but the question is ......do I waiit for just tell him to fuck off.

One thing is for sure, I will not fucken eat for no man again.

Today's intake

One T-Bone Steak with Diane sauce
1 scollop potatoe (complete with fucken cream)
5 sting beans
and a shit load of Vodka and Raspery. (yea I am drunk atm)

Face life without fear my friends